Hey There...

Hey there... You... You reading my blog.... Hi

It's definitely been quite a while since I've written anything in this blog. It feels weird being back. I like it though. It feels nice.

Anywhosers, let's get down to business. Since my last post, I've been laying low. Not too much restricting of the calories. I've stayed thinner than usual, so that's nice, but I'm still not quite satisfied with my body.

Last week I was going to the beach with my friends and we all had bikinis on. I realize in my head that I'm not heavyset, and that I am probably one of the smallest girls there. But that's not enough for me. I don't care how others see me. I felt incredibly uncomfortable in that bikini, and I ultimately had to put my clothes back on and sit on the shore. After that, I decided I was going to try restricting again.

So, this is my 50th time trying to start restricting calories again. I am going vegetarian, sort of by default, and things are going fairly well.

Today's weigh in: 120.2lbs

Let's begin this journey... again...

Anabelle

Yet again I say, small people shouldn't drink...

Got completely and utterly wasted last night. It was crazy fun.

Then morning rolled around. I am now single :-(. I was hungover :-(.

Anywhosers, I need to sleep. I didn't sleep last night, and kinda feeling the exhaustion today,

TTYL,
Anabelle

Exhaustion...

I've been rather sick the past week or so. Not like flu-sick, but more like, mental-health-affecting-body-sick. I was feeling guilty about binging lately, and I think subconsciously my body wants to purge. I'm not one for purging. I actually can't stand it. I'd rather not eat for days than have to purge every day. Anyways, I've been getting really sick whenever I even think about eating or drinking anything. It's gotten to the point where I'm actually really dehydrated. Feeling better now though, hence this blog post. Yesterday was bad. I could not even function. I had to stay still, for I feared that I would pass out every second of the day. I finally got to eat something about an hour ago, and it actually stayed down. I don't like food, but I just want to be able to hold down water again. That's something I cannot go without.

Anabelle

Facebook Drama....

Some dude on Facebook made a fake profile and kept trying to start a fight with me. I was fed up and I reported his profile for being fake, then blocked him. Apparently that was a bad idea. He ended up hacking all my accounts that he could find through my email.

So, if I start blogging about random stuff that is kind of spammy, you know that it's not me. I switched all my profiles and accounts to one of my other emails and changed all my passwords, so everything should be fine. Just a heads up. ha

Anabelle

What's the date? Holy hell...

This is why I'm such a good blogger.

So, it's been over a week since I've last posted anything. Not proud of that. Things have been going pretty good lately. My eating patterns are getting more under control, and I'm binging less, so therefore, life is good.

I haven't been doing any restrictions lately because it's just been so crazy, and I haven't been feeling too well. Instead of jumping right back into restrictions (and shocking my body), i'm just going to slowly start subtracting food from my daily life.

Insert subtracted food here: Meat.

I have decided to go completely vegetarian. Not like my diet has a lot of meat in it anyways, but I hear lots of people talk about how much weight they lose after they stop eating meat. Hey, maybe it'll work for me until I get back into restrictions.

I've seen all those animal cruelty videos about what the conditions are like when animals are going to the slaughterhouse, and they have never really affected me. But I watched one today, and my heart just wanted to cry. Those poor animals. Those crazy people just smack those animals around like they are toys. No! How would you like it if I hit YOU with a crowbar? That wouldn't feel good, would it? Stop being an asshole and put those poor animals out of their misery, instead of hitting them and leaving them there to die.

Now, I'm not opposed to eating animals. Eating other animals is a natural thing that we, as humans, do. I just have a problem with how the animals are treated. There's gotta be more humane ways.

(Plus, I'm a huge germaphobe, and a lot of the animals I saw on the video today had lots of sores and puss covered wounds. Germfest. And the FDA allows the meat of these cancerous animals to be put on the market. That's why the animals don't get medical treatment. They will get sold either way...)

Anyways, that was my animal rant. I'm not a PETA actavist, nor am I any other type of activist. I just got really pissed off when I watched this video.

Until next time,
Anabelle

Now, I do not want to bore you with my mundane daily adventures.

I will keep this blog rather pithy.

I ate today. A lot.

Time for this to end. I'm back to 120lbs.

I want 110lbs by the end of April.... It wouldn't be a total disaster if it happened early May though. I could live with that.

Lovelies,
Anabelle.

PS: Sorry this blog is so short. I've been pretty sleep deprived this week, and I haven't been able to get to my computer until after midnight. I've been trying to keep the blogging short this week so I can check the essentials (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)

Just a Thought...

Wouldn't it be an ironic way to die if you went up for communion and choked on one of those little wafers? "The blood of Christ, shed for you..... SHIT!"

These are the dumbass things I think about

Love,
Anabelle