Confused? check!

Alrighty,

So, I've always been bisexual. I've known this since I was a kid, so I was never really freaked out about this. About a year ago, I told my mother that I was a lesbian. I guess I told her I was a lesbian because I had had too many bad experiences with boys and I just "gave up" on them.

Well, I didn't give up on them. Guys are easier to hang out with and talk with. Girls just piss me off sometimes because girls are more stubborn. Ha, when you're fighting with a guy (and they're whipped..) usually you can just get your way, even if you're wrong, because they do not want to fight and they just want to agree and get it over with. Girls are not like that. They will fight until they are out of breath, and because you are a girl too, you will do the same.

Girls are more critical/sincere about your appearance, I believe, though. Guys know that if you say "does my butt look big?" they have to say "no, dear." Girls will say the same thing, but in their head, you know they're looking at the top of the pant's line and analyzing how much your tummy hangs over.

I'm not sure why I'm even talking about this. I suppose I am because I was deeply in love with my best friend, but she was too scared to get into anything too serious. She would play with my emotions though. Like, I was her play toy or something. Things ended up getting really hairy and we stopped talking for a long time. We're back to being best friends now, but it's not as platonic as I had hoped it would be. Over the summer I got back together with one of my ex's and she told me to dump him. Like she was jealous. Now you see my confusion. Anyways, she just got a new boyfriend and I'm really down in the dumps.

It's not like I expected her to be alone all her life, but you know, it still hurts my heart knowing that I'm not the one that's making her happy. It's kind of like someone is snapping a rubberband on my heart.

I heard this quote somewhere (I believe it was on Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) that I really liked and it seems very true for me. "You only truly get over someone once you find someone that you love more." This seems so true. I mean, I loved my ex-fiance very very much, but nothing can compare to how much I was madly in love with her.

I remember why I started this new post now! So this new love interest of mine is a boy.... I'm happy about this. Girl drama is just taking every bit of energy out of me. Anyways, this new boy is very very sweet. He's 22 and he lives on his own. He has a full time job and he's neat and cleanly. He takes care of me when Im too drunk to take care of myself. He gives me massages that are completely amazing, and when we cuddle I feel crazy butterflies in my tummy.

And I know he feels the same way about me too. I haven't experienced anything like this since 'her'. So, it's nice to have feelings like this again. With my ex-fiance, well things were different. He treated me pretty badly, I guess. I honestly couldn't see it until yesterday, actually.

I miss being treated like every lady deserves to be treated. Every lady deserves to be treated like a princess, if she wants, and she should feel like she's the most beautiful person in the world. She shouldn't be pushed into things she's uncomfortable to do...

So, wish me luck tomorrow with my date with butterfly-boy.... okay, that was a bad name for him. That makes him either seem like a bug geek who only lives to spawn new kinds of butterflies, or he's gay... which he is neither. I don't want to use his real name because I feel that would be disrespectful to him because he does not know I have this blog.

Let's call him.... Charles.

Anyways..... Thanks for following my blog you guys. I'm not sure if anyone actually reads any of my posts due to lack of comments, but then I realize that I'm a complete hypocrite. I read all the posts to everyone I'm following, but I barely leave comments. I'll try harder people, I promise. And I also promise to write some more interesting posts. I've had such a lack of time lately that I haven't even started to think of some more blog topics. I want to make this a better blog though, so I need suggestions. Any help would be appreciated?

Lovingly,
Anabelle