My Worst Enemy

Thanks-freaking-giving.

National Get-Fat day.

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg!

I couldn't stop.

Luckily, my whole family is going on a diet (due to medical reasons...)....So, therefore, all of my foods that I eat out of inpulse are now completely gone..

Hallelujah!

Ugh, my birthday is coming up.

Goal: I want to weight at most 110 pounds on my birthday. Oh, that gives me about, hmm... 25 days. That's totally DO-ABLE. I could probably get down to 110 by next week.

I almost want to do it differently this time. I want to sort of taper my eating down until I get to about 200-300 cals a day, instead of just completely stopping eating. I just go in a huge cycle of restricting, starving, stuffing my face, purging, then not getting back into restricting until i get up to 120 lbs again. Fuck that.

Clearly that plan doesn't work for me.

So, we shall try it differently this time.

Did I mention I was single now? Well....sadly, I am. Awful.

But I don't have him watching me like a hawk all the time now, so we'll see what happens.

Anyways, Calculus calls...ugh

Much Love,
Ana

ByTheWay...

I hate when I'm depressed.

I eat when I'm depressed.

Current weight: 123.0 lbs.

No good....

Note to self: Scale does not calibrate my weight with shoes on... time to unlace the Chuck Taylors...

A little hiatus...

from blogging never means anything good.

I am single (for good this time).

I am never drinking again (for good this time).

I am going to restrict until I hit 105 pounds (for good this time).

I could really use some cheering up. It's definitely been a hard couple of weeks. Hopefully I will now get a chance to start completely new, with everything. I have drained all of the toxic people from my life, and I am starting fresh. It's kind of quiet starting fresh. My phone rings less at night. It's peaceful. I am making new friends, and that makes me happy. I lost my best friend though, and I really don't know how to replace her. Well, I guess I technically cannot replace her, but I want to fill the void in my life that her friendship once filled. Maybe I'll write a book. A book can be my friend. Wow, that doesn't sound crazy at all, lol. I don't know. It's so hard. It's so hard opening up to new people. I kind of don't want to open up to new people. I've had such a dark past, and I feel like it'd be nice if they didn't know anything about that stuff. But I also feel like I SHOULD tell them because all the dark stuff that I've been through has made me the way that I am now.

Oh decisions...

I should blog more. I don't think people read my blogs anymore though, haha.

Okay, task. If you read this blog... or if you even come on my page, leave me a message below, just sayin Hi or anything. It'll just make me feel like I'm not just talking to myself here. ha

I promise less depressing blogs in the future.

Much love,
Anabelle