Hmm...

Well, I haven't written in a couple days. Binged pretty badly lately. But my new 6 day fast starts tomorrow, so hopefully I can get back on track. I bought some appetite supressants... yeah, I feel like it's cheating, but oh well. I just need to get used to being hungry again, and not give into cravings. It's nice because, well, my whole family is on a diet, and we are trying to use up all the food in the house. So, our fridge only contains condiments, soda, and a jar of pickles. I like it.

So, this week should be easier, food wise, that is. My mom went out of town this weekend, so it was just me and my dad. Without my mom there supervising him, my dad felt like he could do whatever he wanted. He went to the liquor store and bought a case of beer and some bottle of booze that I couldn't figure out what it was. That was at 5. By 7 it all of it was almost gone. He spent the whole damn day drinking and watching the Discovery Channel. Ugh. My parents have been fighting a lot lately. My dad has been a huge douchebag to my mom. He would never hit her, but he just messes with her head. She gets so pissed when he ignores her. He will ignore her for days and days. He's really pissed because she has changed since she started her new job about a year ago. They were hermits before she started her new job. Now she starts to hang out with her friends maybe once a week. Of course she is going to change. She doesn't hate this job! I honestly think they will get a divorce before I graduate college. I know I'm being terribly pessamistic, but I don't like to get my hopes up ever.

My mother, on the other hand, is really weird too. Ever since she got this new job, she's been spending enormous amounts of money. She makes less than she did at her old job, and money was super tight then, so, i'm really not sure what's going on. It freaks me out. I really need to move out. This house is driving me insane. I can't afford to move out though. My parents won't help me with rent for an apartment, and I'm only working like four days a week at 11 dollars an hour. Not quite enough to live on when you're paying for college on your own as well. Plus I drive 25 miles to school every day. Gas and car maintenance is going to be a bitch.

Wow, I'm wired right now. I tool 2 sleeping pills (I have insomnia.) and they aren't kicking in tonight. Great. I'm gonna fall asleep super late and feel loopy in the morning for work.

Going through my best friend divorce right now too. She pretty much told me to fuck off, so I am fucking off. Better off not as friends. We fought like every day anyways. I'm getting all the toxic people out of my life right now.

I'm engaged. Wow, can't believe I didn't mention that sooner in this blog! Yes. On Wednesday. Oh, I love him. I've known him since first grade. I told him that we can't plan anything until after I finish college though. My mother always taught me to never rely on a man financially. Always be able to be independent. He doesn't like that he has to wait, but if he loves me, he'll wait. Hopefully. ha.

But I'm also thinking that I don't want to spend my whole college experience engaged. Oh, I wish he would have waited. You know college kids. They get drunk. They do stupid shit. I don't trust myself to stay faithful while drunk. SO, no drinking in college. Damn....

Oh welll. I should get going to bed. Good night to all!

~Anabelle