Exhaustion...

I've been rather sick the past week or so. Not like flu-sick, but more like, mental-health-affecting-body-sick. I was feeling guilty about binging lately, and I think subconsciously my body wants to purge. I'm not one for purging. I actually can't stand it. I'd rather not eat for days than have to purge every day. Anyways, I've been getting really sick whenever I even think about eating or drinking anything. It's gotten to the point where I'm actually really dehydrated. Feeling better now though, hence this blog post. Yesterday was bad. I could not even function. I had to stay still, for I feared that I would pass out every second of the day. I finally got to eat something about an hour ago, and it actually stayed down. I don't like food, but I just want to be able to hold down water again. That's something I cannot go without.

Anabelle

Facebook Drama....

Some dude on Facebook made a fake profile and kept trying to start a fight with me. I was fed up and I reported his profile for being fake, then blocked him. Apparently that was a bad idea. He ended up hacking all my accounts that he could find through my email.

So, if I start blogging about random stuff that is kind of spammy, you know that it's not me. I switched all my profiles and accounts to one of my other emails and changed all my passwords, so everything should be fine. Just a heads up. ha

Anabelle

What's the date? Holy hell...

This is why I'm such a good blogger.

So, it's been over a week since I've last posted anything. Not proud of that. Things have been going pretty good lately. My eating patterns are getting more under control, and I'm binging less, so therefore, life is good.

I haven't been doing any restrictions lately because it's just been so crazy, and I haven't been feeling too well. Instead of jumping right back into restrictions (and shocking my body), i'm just going to slowly start subtracting food from my daily life.

Insert subtracted food here: Meat.

I have decided to go completely vegetarian. Not like my diet has a lot of meat in it anyways, but I hear lots of people talk about how much weight they lose after they stop eating meat. Hey, maybe it'll work for me until I get back into restrictions.

I've seen all those animal cruelty videos about what the conditions are like when animals are going to the slaughterhouse, and they have never really affected me. But I watched one today, and my heart just wanted to cry. Those poor animals. Those crazy people just smack those animals around like they are toys. No! How would you like it if I hit YOU with a crowbar? That wouldn't feel good, would it? Stop being an asshole and put those poor animals out of their misery, instead of hitting them and leaving them there to die.

Now, I'm not opposed to eating animals. Eating other animals is a natural thing that we, as humans, do. I just have a problem with how the animals are treated. There's gotta be more humane ways.

(Plus, I'm a huge germaphobe, and a lot of the animals I saw on the video today had lots of sores and puss covered wounds. Germfest. And the FDA allows the meat of these cancerous animals to be put on the market. That's why the animals don't get medical treatment. They will get sold either way...)

Anyways, that was my animal rant. I'm not a PETA actavist, nor am I any other type of activist. I just got really pissed off when I watched this video.

Until next time,
Anabelle

Now, I do not want to bore you with my mundane daily adventures.

I will keep this blog rather pithy.

I ate today. A lot.

Time for this to end. I'm back to 120lbs.

I want 110lbs by the end of April.... It wouldn't be a total disaster if it happened early May though. I could live with that.

Lovelies,
Anabelle.

PS: Sorry this blog is so short. I've been pretty sleep deprived this week, and I haven't been able to get to my computer until after midnight. I've been trying to keep the blogging short this week so I can check the essentials (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)

Just a Thought...

Wouldn't it be an ironic way to die if you went up for communion and choked on one of those little wafers? "The blood of Christ, shed for you..... SHIT!"

These are the dumbass things I think about

Love,
Anabelle

A Little Time...

I do believe that it is time for me....myself.... and I?.... to thank you for being followers of my blog.

Now, I'm not sure if anyone still reads anymore, but I just want to say

ANDITHANKYEE

Anywho, I desperately need tips on how to get back on the boat of restrictions. Cyclical patterns of restricting and binging are pretty much ruling my life. I would like to quit the whole binging part. Completely. Control would be nice. And I will not purge. I'm not a purger. I can't throw up. Been there, tried that. Did not work...

Tips. Tips. And More TIPS are needed. Please help. Leave a little commenty comment sayin what helps you stay on track and keep skinny.

Anyways, good day lovelies
Anabelle

Small people SHOULDN'T drink....

I was sort of on a not drinking thing...

yeah, that definitely didnt last too long.

my dumb boyfriend got drunk off his ass and made a fool out of himself in front of some of my friends

not like i'm embarassed of him or anything, but great first impression right? they just walk in and he's already wasted.

you see, he doesn't drink too much, and when he does, he gets drunk super fast. therefore, she makes a fool out of himself super fast.

then, when we all decide to leave (it was around 2am) he gets all pissed. I have class tomorrow. he knows that! plus, i still live with my parents. not like they will be angry with me for staying out late, but they will lecture me about how i shouldn't do that, and all that shit.

that asshole

he just used me to be his designate driver. i got drunk at his house and drove home anyways. i only live like 5 blocks away, but anyways...

still rather drunk right now. surprised how good i'm typing :-)

sorry for the awfulness of this blog

Love,

Cyclical Patterns That.....FUCK ME OVER...

I always do so well with restrictions for a while...

But then I have those awful days where I eat all the food in sight.

Let's fix this...

Yesterday I had a personal pan pepperoni pizza from pizza hut with breadsticks....mmm...

Today, for lunch I had Arby's medium cheddar roast beef with curly fries...

to make it worse... for supper I had a Happy Meal from McDonalds.

I ate more fast food in the past 2 days than I have had in the past 6 months...

Restrictions are starting again Monday. I have to start working more, so that should keep me busy... hopefully

Ta ta for now,
Anabelle

DooblyDoo....

So, in psychology class yesterday, we went over Maslows Hierarchy Of Needs again. It seems fairly valid. You must fulfill your physiological needs before fulfilling your safety needs, and so on and so forth. This makes me wonder.

My professor was talking about people who he thought were self-actualized. Very few people get to that stage. He mentioned Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Mother Theresa.

Now, I find one fatal flaw in this hierarchy of needs. You see, you must fulfill each level to pass to the next one. Why can you not be self-actualized while starving yourself? Would Gandhi not be considered self-actualized? He starved himself to protest against British Supremists. He put off one of our basic physiological needs, but still achieved greatness. Can you be self-actualized in a warzone? Of course you can! Many of the great war heros put off their own safety to save others.

As much as I believe that this pyramid of needs is a valid example on the needs of humans, it isn't as accurate as you would hope it to be.

I want to do great things. I want to make a difference in this world. And all the while, I will try as hard as possible to put off my physiological need of eating.

Join me in this journey

Anabelle